Jonathan
by J-chan the Maniacal
Summary: Afternoon tea never went so right, in Dr. Crane's opinion. One-shot, Hatter and Scares!


I love Jervis Tetch.

I love him on his own, being crazy. I love him with tea. I love him doing nefarious things.

And I especially love him paired off with Jonathan Crane. (The only thing better than Jervis on Jonathan is Jervis on Jonathan on Edward, in my opinion, but that's a thought for another day...)

So, this is not based on any specific version of the Mad Hatter or Scarecrow, but, as usual, my tastes lean towards the Arkham games, so while you may picture this happening with any versions you like, I've got that image planted firmly in my imagination and am never letting it go. (Omnomnom...)

WARNINGS: Man on man action between two deranged people. A hint of language, but only a hint.

I listened to Fiona Apple's "Jonathan" while devising this. In case you were curious. (Or even if you weren't. XD)

Oh, and the usual disclaimers apply. You know the drill. Anyhoo...

x-x-x-x

"Would you like another biscuit?"

"Please! and thank you for inviting me, Jervis. I _love_ what you've done with the place."

The pair sat at a small table in a secluded corner of the gardens, enjoying afternoon tea. Tetch's doctor had no idea that the little man had set up a little slice of Wonderland outside of his cell, otherwise a get-together like this would have been impossible. The psychiatrist was trying something new. He believed it was better to deny Jervis his delusions and had taken steps to prevent the Mad Hatter from indulging his fantasies to the degree he was accustomed to.

_Quack_, Dr. Jonathan Crane thought with a touch of venom. He made a mental note to expose his friend's current psychiatrist to a sample of his newest formula at some point in the near future. Possibly slip it into his morning tea? That would be poetic...

Considering the stress Jervis must be under, he was still a remarkably capable host. Scavenged bits of china, tea smuggled into the asylum in exchange for favors (many of which were never repaid due to his usually scatterbrained mental state), biscuits and crackers taken from the cafeteria, all transformed from a paltry offering to a splendid distraction from the tedium of the daily ins and outs of life inside Arkham Asylum. Jonathan lamented only that he couldn't return the favor. His particular blend of fun lacked the whimsy that Jervis so adored.

What was it that stayed the Scarecrow's hand when it came to Jervis Tetch? He who terrorized friend and foe alike, fear incarnate? Was it sympathy? Unlikely, as he had very little empathy to begin with, and even less to share with others. A whim? No, for if that were the case he would have felt compelled to give the Mad Hatter a taste of fear at least once in the years that they had known each other.

Affection, then? Yes, that could be the answer. He felt protective of the smaller man at times, just as he did Edward, yet Jervis was so innocent in his madness that Crane was reluctant to taint him in the ways he had the Riddler. (A poor choice of words, perhaps, as Tetch had killed, quite perversely, many times while in the grip of his lunacy, but it was nonetheless exactly how the doctor felt.)

The Mad Hatter peered cheerfully at his friend over the rim of his teacup. "Jonathan, you have that look again. You know, it reminds me of the Queen of Hearts. Thinking of heads that need offing?"

Crane smiled. "So intuitive... No, not really. I feel more like the Knave today. Maybe I should steal a few tarts, hm?"

"Ha! If only there were tarts to be had! I tried to get some, but you know how lazy the cooks are. It's always stale cookies or bland pies or dry cakes or... Well, you get the point."

"Hmhm... I could always steal something else..." Jonathan wondered if Jervis ever caught the double meanings in his flirtations. He never _seemed_ to, but it was difficult to believe that someone as perceptive as he was could possibly miss the devilish gleam in the doctor's eyes.

"_Would _you, though?"

Crane arched an eyebrow. "Pardon?"

Jervis looked at him, alert in a moment of clarity that the Scarecrow hadn't noticed approaching. There was amusement in the Hatter's gaze and... was that...

_... interest_..._? _

"I'm no simpleton, Jonathan." Tetch sipped at his tea calmly, then set it down on the table. When he looked up, he was smirking.

"Well..." the doctor set down his own cup. "If you knew all along, then why didn't you say something sooner?"

"You seemed to be enjoying your little jokes so much, I didn't want to take the wind out of your sails. It never makes the Joker happy when someone interrupts his stride."

Jonathan laughed. "The gall... I ought to punish you for that."

The smaller man moved to sit closer to him. He leaned in. "We'll have to be quiet, of course. Otherwise the guards will come snooping."

"Absolutely," Crane agreed. He let Jervis tug at his collar, pulling him down.

"And you must promise not to tell Alice." The Mad Hatter put a hand to his lips. "That is vital."

"Not a word, Jervis. I promise..."

"Cross your heart and hope to die?" He brushed his lips across the doctor's.

The Scarecrow hummed an affirmative.

And then he was lost.

x-x-x-x

It was unclear to the doctor how he ended up on the bottom, so to speak. What was clear was that he was bent over the table, legs spread wide while he moaned like a harlot, a small but talented hand preparing him. If it had been any other man at his backside, he would have been annoyed by this role reversal. But it wasn't; it was Jervis. _His_ Jervis, he thought to himself with a purr. If Tetch wasn't aware of the fact that Crane was staking a claim on him now, he would be.

Comically, the smaller man had to stand on a chair to enter him. But when he did...

_My God_...

It wasn't the size of him, but the skill. He knew without asking or trying the _exact _angle, just the right pressure to apply and where and when to tease and when to _fuck_ and...

The Scarecrow, the most feared man in the entire asylum... whimpered. He arched back and actually _whimpered_, overcome.

Crane felt lips on his shoulderblade, a hand reaching between them to stroke him with delicious force. "Jonathan..."

A choir kicked off a symphony in the doctor's head.

x-x-x-x

Hope you enjoyed that pleasant diversion! Feel free to review. I... I'm too distracted by Jervis' bizarre combination of v-neck shirt and bowtie now... *paws at the tiny man's chest hair*


End file.
